An Akatsui Xmas
by kariuchiha19
Summary: Ever wonder how Akatsuki celebrate X-mas? lets find out!


**An Akatsuki X-mas**

"The target is headed your way clay boy!" Deidara heard Kari say through the earpiece. "Ok, I see him un." Deidara whispered in reply. He saw the person coming down the hall. Deidara smirked and placed a clay centerpied on the ground. It quickly tripped the target. "WHAO!!!OOOF!!! THE FUCK!?! DEIDARA!!!!" Hidan yelled. Deidara's smirk widened as the centerpied wrapped around the jashinist. "THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?!" Deidara chuckled at the swear. "Got him un." He said to his two way. Kari giggled. "I know, I can hear him way over here. He has such a loud mouth." Deidara laughed. Hidan scowled. "I'M ONLY GONNA FUCKING ASK THIS ONE MORE FUCKING TIME!!!WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?!" Hidan tried to free himself, but the centerpied only tightened its hold on him. Deidara turned his attention back on Hidan. "We need to get something from Kakuzu un." He said calmly. Hidan twitched. "THEN WHY THE HELL AM I THE ONE TIED UP!!!!" The two 15 year-olds looked each other in the eyes, Hidan glaring and Deidara eyes smirking at Hidan. "Because everyone knows Kakuzu has a crush on you un." Deidara stated. Hidan, in turn, turned a bright red. "WHAT!?! HE DOES NOT!!!...Does he?" Hidan asked. Deidara chuckled. "Call him over and find out what he loves more un. Money, or you…" Deidara waited while Hidan thought this over. " KAKUZU!!!!! GET YOR GREEDY ASS OVER HERE THIS FUCKING INSTANT!!!!" Deidara had to cover his ears with how loud Hidan had just yelled….

Kakuzu's POV

I feel so relaxed. "I can't believe how quiet it is." I say to no one in particular. Hidan was out in the forest doing another one of his strange rituals. I'll never understand that boy. Probably why I like him so much. I hate that I like him so much. He's so loud, ignorant, stubborn, loud, idiotic, loud, religious, and did I mention loud? Well he is. And yet, I'm still attracted to him. "Someone shoot me now." I say, again to no one in particular. Just as I was about to fall asleep, "KAKUZU!!!!!GET YOUR GREEDY ASS OVER HERE THIS FUCKING INSTANT!!!!" Again, he's loud. I sigh and get up off of my bed and walk out of my shared room. Oh yeah, giving me a shared room with the boy made everything worse. As I approach the lounge, I see Hidan and Deidara. I sigh once again. Hidan had one of Deidara's centerpied's wrapped around his waist and arms. "What is it Hidan? I was just about to fall asleep." I ask, coldly. One thing about me, I HATE showing my emotions. So Hidan had NO clue of how I felt. The only one who knows is Kisame and I made…well threatened him to keep it secret. Hidan scowled. "OH RIGHT!!! I HAVE A FUCKING BOMB WRAPPED AROUND ME AND YOU ACT LIKE I'M EATING DANGO!!!GET THIS SHIT OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW!!!!" I'm grateful for my mask, I smirk at Hidan's reaction. "Deidara, what do you want?" I ask the boy who got me into this situation. "X-mas bonus and money for decorations un." The blonde says. I twitch. So this was about money? "And if I refuse?" I say, hoping Deidara would just let it go. "I blow Hidan up un!" Deidara said, smirking. Great. Now I gotta act like I don't care. "Go ahead. I'd love to see that. Though I don't think you've got the guts to." I say, challenging him. He knows that I'll tell Sasori and then Sasori will lecture him and possibly beat him with a stick. I was expecting him to back down, but he kept on smirking. "Try me un. Hidan will make fine art and you know how I love art un." That crazy psycho son of a bitch. "Then go ahead." Hidan stares at me, shocked of the words that just came out of my mouth. "HAS A CRUSH ON ME MY ASS!!!WHAT A LITTLE LIAR!!!" He yells. I see tears forming at the idiot's eyes. Deidara puts his hands into his infamous seal. Just as he was about to say the infamous word, "Fine, how much was it again?" Deidara smirked even wider. " That's about…$50000 for every one's bonus and $1000 for the decorations un." I twitch. That little brat. First off, who did he find out about me having a crush on Hidan? And second, I'm gonna kill Kisame when i get my hands on him! I slowly take out the exact amount of money and hand it to the blonde. Arrigato Kakuzu!" Deidara yells, running off as the centerpied melts into the floor. Surprisingly, instead of chasing Deidara down the hall, Hidan just stood there, staring at me. "That was a once in a lifetime deal. Ever get in a situation like that again and I'll let him blow you up." I say, turning and walking back to the room. I glance back and see Hidan still staring at me. Wait until I get my hands on that blue idiot…

At the mall…

"I can't believe you actually got Kakuzu to part with this much MONEY!" Kisame stated. Akatsuki was now in the Konoha mall, Kisame and Itachi had done a transformation jutsu while the rest were just in normal clothes. (Not gonna bore you with the details. Make the clothes up yourselves.) "It's easy, when you have the right info un!" Deidara stated. Kari cleared her throught, signaling that she was gonna give an order. "Ok! Now that we're here, let's all get the gifts and decorations! First, we'll get the gifts. Let's split up!" The others nodded. Hidan and Kakuzu were back home. Tobi jumped up and down. "Hai! Tobi will go and get great presents for everyone! Tobi is a good boy!" Kari giggle as Deidara smacked Tobi on the back of the head. "WE KNOW UN!" He yelled. Kari smiled. "Let's meet back here in and hour to look for decorations! See ya!" With that, Akatsuki split up and headed to different stores…

Sasori's POV

The first person on my list is my annoying blonde partner. I head over to a shop that sells sculptures. A woman at the door welcomes me. "Hello. How may I be of service to you?" She asks. "I'm looking for a gift for my…friend." Yeah, let's go with friend. He's not a student and I'll never say we're related unless given no other choice…so…friend. She smiles at me. "Well, I'm guessing he must like sculptures!" she says in a happy tone. I roll my eyes. No duh! The reason I'm in a store that sells nothing but sculptures is quite obvious. "Yes. He's an artist himself so…" She drags me over to a very large sculpture. It was of some godly figure. "This is one of the more popular items this year." The saleswoman says. I look it over. It does not, I repeat NOT, look like something Deidara would like. And I know what the blonde likes, considering he practically drags me around every art shop to see the sculptures. "Popular, yet not what I'm looking for." I say. The saleswoman looks at me strangely. I guess she thought I was an easy sale. She probably thinks I know nothing about art. Damn woman. Sculptures made of clay may not be my favorite form of art, but I make sure that I know every thing about art that can be eternal. "Ok then," She says, leading me to another statue, "Here's another one of our more popular item-" I cut her off, "NEXT!" She gives me that same look from before. "Just so you know," I start, "I'm an artist as well, so don't give me the least popular items. It's pretty obvious you want to sell these. But, I want something good. So…where are the better sculptures?" She stares at me in awe, Then gives me the strange look again. "I'll also inform you that I'm about 20 years of age so stop looking at me as if I were a child." She turns a bright red color. I smirk. She obviously thought I was 14. They all do. "O-of course. Well, I'm sorry but these are the only pieces we have left." I turn to the door. "Then I'll be on my way. Merry Christmas." I glance back to see that the saleswoman has a disappointed look on her face. That's what she gets for trying to pull a fast one. I can tell that she's debating on weather on not to call me back. "Wait! There is one more item…" I feel myself smirk. "Lead the way." She leads me to the back wall. There are some pretty good works of art. But I don't feel like buying from here. Infact, I think I'll just make Deidara something. He won't care anyways. After the saleswoman shows me some statues she asks me, "So, will this be a purchase?" Her smile disappears as I shake my head. "I think I'll take my business elsewhere. Thank you, and merry Christmas." I walk away, sensing the woman swearing under her breath…

Deidara's POV

"WHO ELSE WANTS SOME UN!?!" I yell. The three men in front of me grab their friend from under my foot and run off. "ANYONE ELSE THINK I'M A GIRL UN!?!" I yell, looking around. The teenage boys around me all run away. "YEAH, YOU'D BETTER RUN UN!!!" That just ruined my day. Here I am, minding my own business, and some idiot comes and says, "Hey there girly, how's about a kiss." I glared at him so evil yet he kept on coming. "Come on! Just one!" He said. As he leaned in, I kick him where it hurts. "I'M A GUY UN!!!!!" I yelled. That got me into a huge fight with those guys. But what really ticked me off was when one of them came and cut some of my hair. No one, and I mean NO ONE, messes with my hair. I came and beat the fuck out of the one that did it. Now I'm pissed. I only have Sasori-dana to go, and about 45 minutes to do so. When it comes to giving gifts, I'm pretty quick at picking stuff out. Now…what was I gonna get him, again? I think a bit. SHIT! Those idiots got so mad I forgot what I was gonna get Sasori-dana! "Now what'll I do un?" I ask myself. I try again to remember. "…GRRR, IT"S NO USE UN!" I can't believe I forgot. I remember seeing something the last time I was here. It had something to do with puppets, obviously. It wasn't wood carving supplies, I got those for him last year. Was it an actual puppet? Argh! I can't remember! "I guess I'll just have to go and look around the mall…AGAIN un." I had been through this mall about ten times in the last month. I already knew what he was gonna get everyone, until the whole idiot thing. I looked around the mall. 10 minutes later, I had been through about 20 stores, but I still hadn't found what I was looking for. "Groan, I'll never find it un…" Suddenly, I saw a guy being followed. I recognized who the follower was. "Otogakure!" I ran after the two people. I saw a girl with shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes. She turned to me. "What do you want?" She asked. "You're from Oto un?" I ask. I wanted to make sure that they weren't here to hurt anyone. I hate it when innocent people get hurt because of some idiots doing a mission. "No duh baka." She says. I twitch. "I WAS JUST ASKING UN!" I yell, pissed off. First the idiot men, now this? No way! The girl giggles. "Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. But if you could excuse me, I have a mission to complete." I wasn't about to let her go after the shop owner. I go to his shop all the time to get new kunai and stuff. Akatsuki only shops for weapons there. "But…what do you want with Inomi un? He isn't the type to stir up trouble un." She turns to me suspiciously. "Why do you care?" The look she's giving me is one I've seen before. It's the 'what's a weakling like you gonna do to me' look. "Because I usually shop for weapons there un." I say. It's not like I'm revealing who I am or anything. "YOU!?! Not a chance. You're too..." "Weak looking un? I know, people tell me that all the time un. But…don't judge by appearances un." I know I have an evil glint in my eyes. She seems to shudder. "Now, back to my original question un. What do you want with Inomi?" She suddenly regains her composer. "That's none of your business blondie." She says coldly. I smirk. "Stubborn now are we un?" I say coolly. She glares at me. She seems to be hot headed. I usually am when not on a mission, but if I let her kill Inomi, Leader-sama will be at my throught. "You see, if you have a mission to kill Inomi, then I'll have to kill you before you do un." I saw her glare darken. "And what makes you think you could kill me…un?" My smirk fades and I glare at the girl. I hate it when people make fun of my speech habit. She smirks at me. "Looks like I hit a sore spot haven't I?" She says. A guy around my age comes, I recognize him as one of the ones watching me beat the crap outta the 'Hey cutie' guy. He stops and stares at me. "Hey girl, I wouldn't get this guy mad. He beat up an Anbu single handedly." He then starts running off. The girl turns her attention back to me. "An Anbu? Impressive. But I can take down about ten by myself." She says. I roll my eyes. She's trying to scare me and it's not working. "I can take out thirty without breaking a sweat un." She opens her mouth to reply, then squeals in excitement. I cover my ears and she runs over to a shop window. "ZOMJ!!! That guitar is sooo awesome!!!" She yells. Her yells remind me of the time I ran into a whole bunch of fan girls in Iwa the last time I was there. The time they chased me around the whole village and stole my headband. I had to steal it back and almost got caught by Anbu too. I swore to never go back there again. I walk over to the window and see a purple guitar. It had black flames on it and it looked like a work of art. "It looks really nice un. Like a work of art un." She turns to me. "Oh, you're an artist?" I stare at her like if she has 2 heads. "NO DUH UN!" She glares at me. "WELL SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW BAKA!!!" We glare at each other a bit, then I stick out my tongue. She giggles. "I'm Deidara un." I say, sticking my hand out to shake her. She shakes my hand and says, "I'm Kouen Kamaku. So, Mr. Artist, wanna go get some dango?" I nod my head, I'll just make Sasori-dana something. We head off to the dango shop…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kari sat on a bench eating dango. She had finished her gift shopping and had enough time to relax. She saw Deidara with a new girl. She smirked, grabbed her dang, and ran over. "Hey Deidei! Who's your girlfriend? Sasori-dana's gonna get really jealous!" Deidara coughed on his own dango. "WHAT!?! SHE"S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND UN!!" Kari laughed. "Calm down Deidei, I was just messing with ya! Hi, I'm Kari." She asked Kamaku. "Hi, I'm Kouen Kamaku. Nice to meet you." Kamaku turned to the bright red Deidara. "Are you blushing because she called me your girlfriend, or because she said this Sasori guy is gonna be jealous?" Deidara chocked on his dango again. "NO COMMENT UN!" Both Kari and Kamaku started laughing. Then, Sasori came along. "No comment to what brat?" Kari smirked. "No comment to weather or not Deidara likes-" Deidara slapped a hand over Kari's mouth. "Weather or not I like dango un!" Sasori raised an eyebrow at the blonde. Deidara laughed nervously. Sasori shrugged then turned to Kamaku. "Well look at that. An Oto brat. I hate Oto brats." Kari sweat dropped as Kamaku twitched in anger. "BRAT!?! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M A VERY POWERFUL JONIN!" She yelled. Sasori scoffed. "Oh, of course, I apologize. I meant a weak Oto brat." Sasori blocked a kick to his face. Kamaku twisted and aimed a roundhouse to his shoulder. Sasori blocked and threw Kamaku about two shops away. Just as Kamaku was charging at Sasori again, Kari grabbed her by her headband. (Which was around her neck) "Gak! Hey! You could've chocked me!" Kamaku stated, glaring at the Uchiha. Kari smacked her across the face. "No fighting at Christmas! Sasori-dana, apologize to Kamaku right now!" Kari ordered, glaring at both Kamaku and Sasori in turn. Sasori glared at her, but sighed, "I'm sorry Kamaku." Sasori stated. Kamaku glared, "Well I'm, not!" Kari glared at Kamaku. "I mean, I'm sorry Sasori-san." Kari then smirked. "So…considering that everyone is here," Kari pointed to the other Akatsuki members carrying sweets, "I say we go shopping for tonight's decorations!" Kisame and Itachi sighed. Kari turned to Kamaku, "You wanna help?" She asked the Oto-nin. "Sure!" Tobi popped up in front of them, "YAY! Decorations! Tobi loves decorations! Tobi is a good boy!" They all headed to a decoration's shop…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Why do we even bring the little twerp un? This happens every year un!" Deidara whined as he dragged Tobi outta Konoha. The masked nin had knocked over a whole nativity display and gotten them thrown out of the mall…again. "Because Tobi likes to help! Tobi didn't mean to knock over the display Deidara-senpai! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said, glomping the blonde. Deidara twitched and threw Tobi about 50 meters ahead. "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO DO THAT UN!" The blonde was red with rage. Sasori chuckled. "Calm down Deidara, he's gotten us thrown out of that mall more times then I can count. This is fine, we'd already bought everything." The group arrived back at their 'home'. Kamaku had said her fair wells back at Konoha. As Deidara passed by Hidan and Kakuzu's room, he heard strange noises. His eyes widened. "THE HELL!?!" He put his ear to the door and confirmed his suspicions. Sasori and Kari came along. "What are you doing ya brat?" Sasori asked. Suddenly, a loud moan was heard. The three teammates stared at each other in shock. "We never speak of this?" Kari asked. The other two nodded. "Hai!" The three ran to their rooms, now scarred for life…

X-mas morning…

Kari, Deidara, and Sasori stared at the zombie duo strangely. "The fuck is your problem?" Hidan asked. "Did you two enjoy last night un?" Sasori smacked Deidara upside the head. "We said that we'd never speak of it baka!" Hidan and Kakuzu turned bright red. Luckily, Tobi ran in with gift. "MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS!!! Tobi is a good boy!" After everyone had opened their gifts, there was a knock at the door. Deidara went to open it and the rest heard a hyper yell of, "MERRY CHRISTMAS AKATSUKI!" Sasuke and Naruto came, along with Kamaku. "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE KAMAKU!?!" Kisame yelled. Kamaku giggled. "I put a tracking device on you silly!" she said, pointing at the thing on Kisame's shirt. "Only Kisame would be dumb enough to not notice a tracking device." Sasori said. "Well, let's just have some fun in the snow!" Naruto stated. Akatsuki noticed the blanket of white. "But…it doesn't-" Itachi started, only to be cut off by Kari, "Who cares Nii-san? Just come on!" So Akatsuki played in the snow…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Soo…yeah that's it. I was supposed to put it up last night but…oh well…this is dedicated to RebelFlame because she told me to try an X-mas fic…hope you like how I did Kamaku…anywho, Merry Christmas everybody! Ttyl!

Kari


End file.
